Expect the Unexpected

A few weeks ago I wrote about expectations, and how I needed to learn to stop expecting people to treat me the way I would want to be treated. You can say its a grim way to look at the world. As a teacher, I pride myself that I hold myself and my students to high expectations. I want them to do better, do more, and be nicer. I expect the same of myself. So to lower or rid myself of expectations of others, including family, has been a real struggle. But this week I have been reminded over and over of the kindness and goodness in others. I am speechless of everything that I've seen and experienced this week just by letting go. They were reminders that 1) I truly am not in control of anything, 2) sometimes sadness and happiness exist at the same time, but in the end looking beyond yourself and working through the hurt, the happiness and joy is much great than the sadness and grief, and 3) There are truly caring, thoughtful individuals who exist still!
This week my husband received a package in the mail. The return address was from the same company that sent me the necklace with my boys names back in June. When he opened it, he found a keychain. On it were two pennies, engraved with Robbie and Rango's names, and a larger circle, with "Pennies From Heaven" engraved on it. Here are the pictures so you can see for yourself what wonderfully touching and sentimental gifts we have been given, anonymously.

All we can say is that we are overwhelmed by the thoughtfulness of the gifts, as they serve as a constant reminder of our boys, and we can wear/bring them with us in our daily tasks. I love my necklace, and no matter what occasion, I will wear it. I wore it to my job interview, I wear it on bike rides. It gives me a sense of comfort. My husband has been inseparable with his keyring since it arrived. Hence why it has taken me until Saturday night to write about it. I wanted to post the pictures, and he's been at work with it! They are tangible reminders that while our boys aren't with us physically (its been 9 months since Robbie died, and 8 weeks since Rango died), they are still a very big part of us, and always will be. So again, a thank you to the person or persons who made this possible! Your kindness and thoughtfulness are so overwhelming to us.

**The shop is wordinspired, on etsy. These are custom jobs, and so well made. Thank you for your gift and craftmanship to make these items that are more to us than just a necklace and keyring.

And, these gifts are also a sign of someone looking beyond themselves, to help a couple in their darkest times. It is such a selfless gift, to acknowledge as a parent what we need while we grieve. And these are perfect! (I will add this one last part--its not a target gift card! these are appropriate ways to let someone know you care and are thinking of them!). they are also totally unnecessary, and we know that they person or persons who sent them didn't have to go out of their way to do this for us. But we are grateful they thought of us and our boys.

One can pay back the loan of gold, but one dies forever in debt to those who are kind.

~Malayan Proverb

I have been surrounded by love and kindness this week. From my friends (online and in real life) and most of our family. Even two of my pregnant friends have shown me their patience and understanding by not pressuring me to see them unless I am ready. Most pregnant women avoid me at all costs, like I am cursed or taboo. But these friends embrace me, discuss my boys, and listen to my endless chatter. One friend, due in January, even took A for an afternoon, then out to dinner (our girls are friends), and bought her school supplies! She wouldn't even let me pay her back--I was speechless, and yet so grateful. She was gagging and in the midst of morning sickness, but was okay having my daughter for a day.

Another friend had E over to play, and had her stay for dinner too. This mom was exhausted (and also sick), after running VBS all week, but it was okay. I hope to repay their kindness soon.

While this week was emotionally exhausting, it did end on another positive note--I was able to get myself together and go to my girlfriend's little boy's first birthday party. I had originally rsvp'd no, and she completely understood. But I made up my mind on Monday that I needed to go--not for me, but for her. And it was wonderful. I won't lie--it was difficult, seeing all the little babies and pregnant moms. But the fact I could get back to being supportive for my friend was worth any moment of sadness I had.

And while I still do think I have to work on not expecting anything from anyone, I am glad that these friends are proving me wrong. I also want all these friends to know how much I appreciate them, and I am so glad they are in my life.

“At times our own light goes out and is rekindled by a spark from another person. Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us.” — Albert Schweitzer

Thank you for re-lighting my flame, all those who have thought of us!