While I have a blog dedicated to the healing after the demise of our little boy Robbie at 21w1d, I wanted to keep a record of the journey of our new baby on a different blog. While I am still healing during this pregnancy, I remember all to well the pain and hurt I would feel reading about another's pregnancy, birth or little one. To be fair, I still have a hard time interacting with and dealing with pregnancy women. I can't look at them, talk to them, let alone smile and nod at them. It still hurts. And I know many think that that is just wrong. But its how I feel. While I may be pregnant again, I was robbed of being able to enjoy this pregnancy and anyone who can sit back and just relax, without worry of what its like to go in for a routine appointment and not hear the heartbeat, I am envious of.
But today, I am pregnant and I love my baby. I am approximately 9 weeks pregnant. Our due date is October 15, Mario's 30th birthday. On my good days, I can smile and think about how I'll plan his party. But for the most part, I just need to make it to the next milestone.
This Friday, March 11, the day after my 32nd (sorry, I mean 25th) birthday, we were able to breathe a sigh of relief. But more to our story to come later...
I'm a March 11th baby. I think what you're feeling with this pregnancy is completely normal. My husband and I are thankful to be pregnant again but it just isn't the same. There is no excitement and celebrating. And even being pregnant again makes me feel like we are forgetting our angel. It's a really hard place to be and I understand why you're struggling. Just know you aren't alone. We'll get through this together.
ReplyDeleteAbsolutely! I am so glad I have other ladies who understand and are going through this too!
ReplyDeleteHope you are feeling ok!