When It Rains, It Pours

I know I haven't posted recently. Since my last post I have gone downhill emotionally. It has been very hard to try to put my thoughts into words, let alone a coherent blog entry. I thought last week, while my daughters were visiting their grandparents, I would have time to write and reflect. But, alas, southern NJ was hit with an abnormal amount of rain, and instead was dealing with massive, localized flooding. Fortunately, our house and most of our neighbors' houses faired well, with just our local lake overflowing its banks.

Our backyard--complete with a waterview

One of the many water covered roads Monday

There are three lakes; We live closest to Elmer Lake. When the dam was opened, our overflowing lake poured into Palatine Lake, which then opened its dam to make the water flow into Centerton Lake. Unfortunately, Centerton Lake's dam was in need of some serious repair. For the last several years, Centerton Lake has been a dry bed. So there was no need for worry about the dam, so the locals thought. Luckily, because Centerton Lake had been dry, the damage to Centerton and Pittsgrove was not as bad as it could have been. But it caused a lot of damage, and road closures.

Centerton Lake/ Dam Monday

But it caused a huge headache for the beginning of the week. This impended our travelling we had planned for our "staycation". While we had to go around detours to do anything, and our "staycation" had detours of its own. Saturday we went to the Pennsylvania Ren. Faire, which was cancelled at around 3pm (we arrived around 1:30) because of flooding and severe thunderstorms.

The mass exodus from the Penn. Res. Faire (if you look closely the grass is completely flooded!)

The Queen--before the rain

Sunday, the day the flooding began in southern NJ, after going out to brunch and mass, we headed home to change and head back out. But we soon had to turn around as the water flowed over and through the corn fields, because our path out was quickly covered in water! By 4:30, the storms had passed and we had a brief respite from the rain, and rode our bikes around town, surveying the damage. The water was so high in some spots that it covered our back tires. I don't have pictures of this because I didn't want to risk losing the camera in case I fell in the water!
Back to our "staycation":
Anytime Tuesday or Wednesday that we attempted to go do something, mother nature intervened. By Tuesday we were so frustrated that we were fighting about everything. Our week together was turning into a nightmare. This wasn't how it was supposed to go--we needed this time to bond, to communicate before school started. We were picking up the girls Friday, and couldn't wait. We had had enough alone time together. My thoughts were not positive on our relationship. I didn't know what to do to help us get out of this bickering pattern.
But Wednesday night we went to a friend's housewarming. Unfortunately, because I have been having a rough couple of weeks emotionally (dealing with pregnancies, babies, etc), we weren't able to stay long. We stayed long enough to have dinner and visit...but then we said our goodbyes and headed out. As petty as it seems, there was a pregnant woman there, and while all of the adults were being very sensitive, and not talking about the pregnancy (my friend had briefed everyone before we arrived, which i was so appreciative for, but felt bad too), just her standing up, rubbing her back and belly, did me in. I felt the tears start, my throat got hot and dry and choked up. I knew I had to leave. And my husband and friend didn't even question it--they just understood.

We decided since we were 15minutes from Ocean City we would go walk on the boardwalk...why not? We hadn't done anything fun all week. And walk we did, and got gelato, and went on the ferris wheel where Mario proposed 3 years ago (it seems like so much longer!). This was apparently just the spark we needed to get over this rough spot. On the way home we were able to talk about everything that was bothering us--from how we are handling questions "do we have any children yet" and "are you going to try again", to discussing how we feel about trying again, and what happens if this all happens again. We were in a good spot. We were being honest, and open, and communicating. And it meant that I was a crying mess again. Thursday morning we woke up to my mom calling to tell me A was sick and running and fever. We had to run to pick her and her sister up and be back in NJ by 4 for a doctor's appointment. Our time together was over for now...but at least we had Wednesday night. And this weekend, whenever we tried to go anywhere, the weather still didn't cooperate, but we learned from last week to just laugh it off, and make the best of it. If we continue to fight when things don't go the way we planned, its just going to make us miserable and even more disappointed.

As we drove home from the shore today (after another rained out event), I held a box of Crazy Susan's cookies on my lap, and watched the rain hit the windshield. Just like many of us feel around here that we've had enough rain this year, I feel like I've shed enough tears to last a lifetime. And when the rain or tears come, its just not a little storm either. Its a whole deluge, where the volume is enough to break the dam. And sometimes the dam needs to be broken in order to show where the weakness is. Then the areas in need of repairs can be addressed and fixed. Just like we know how badly damaged the dam was at Centeron Lake, and how badly Mario and I needed to just open up the floodgates and talk. If not, the pressure would just build until the damage would be too much, and it couldn't be fixed. And hopefully this week, with our tears and fighting, we saw where our "dam" is weak, and we can work on making it stronger. We've already had so much pressure on our young marriage, and we are about to burst. Most days he and I wonder how we'll make it through. But if we continue to open the dam once in a while to release the pressure, and check every so often so make sure the supports are strong enough, maybe we will weather the next flood. And then a 3rd try, successful or not, may not be as scary.