Out of the Woods...

On Friday I had two doctor's appointments: 1 with my regular OB to tell her why I am switching to my perinatologist for the rest of the prenatal visits (don't want to deliver at south jersey regional or elmer) or the delivery.  I am very comfortable staying with Kennedy--the staff was wonderful, compassionate, and competent.  During the days leading up to the d & e, and the day of, the nurses were wonderful, as were everyone we came in contact with (registration, the people who push you through the halls, orderlies).  Plus Dr. Davis has been with me and my husband since approximately 12 hours after we learned of Robbie's demise.  The mixture of his realism, with compassion work for both of us.
Unfortunately at the appointment, my OB felt it necessary to tell me that while the baby looked perfect at the anatomy scan, it appeared that I have placenta previa.  Now, the doctors already reviewed the scans while we were at Kennedy last week, and they told us everything was perfect.  So I questioned her why they wouldn't have said anything then.  She then told me it was marginal placenta previa, which most drs don't consider a big deal, but in my case, she wants me on pelvic rest, and no lifting heavy objects.  Of course I couldn't wait to get out of there and see Dr. Davis and see what he had to say.  But that was 2 hrs away!
So I went home and consulted Dr. Google.  And also talked with the supportive women on TB.  By the time I went to see Dr. Davis, I was convinced I'd be on bedrest at some point during the summer.
But instead, Dr. Davis pulled me in to the ultrasound room to hear the heartbeat, and to show me where my placenta was.  While I have a low-lying placenta, there is plenty of room between the cervix and the placental edges.  So there is no worry.  And Rango wouldn't stay still for the doctor to get a heartbeat!
But the relief came when Dr. Davis told me there is no sign of hydrops anywhere!  When I was scheduling my next appointment, for 4 weeks, I told him that would be okay, because I had an ultrasound on June 9th, which would be 2 weeks, and that way we could check on the baby.  He gave me an odd look.  I explained that until we were out of the woods, I felt more comfortable being able to see the baby every two weeks to make sure nothing happened.  He then whispered to me "You're out of the woods.  Everything is fine."  I started to cry!  Because while he is a fantastic doctor, he had yet to tell me words that I want to hear (of course you'll have this baby, this pregnancy will be fine).  Instead I heard "Sometimes its a good pregnancy, sometimes its a bad pregnancy.  And there's nothing you can do either way to change it."  While it may seem harsh, it worked for us to hear.
So hearing the confidence in his voice made me feel a great weight has been lifted.
Since then Rango has been moving constantly, and I can feel him!  And while next Sunday marks the 21w1d mark, I am confident that Rango will be meeting us in October!

It's a ......

Rango!  Yup, so I caved and called the doctor Monday to see if I could come in between then and next Friday for a quick scan.  After checking with my doctor, they made an appointment for Thursday at 2:30.  At that time I would have my normal anatomy scan, and whatever couldn't be measured we would keep the appointment for next week.
So Thursday (yesterday) came, and it couldn't have come fast enough.  I was, as usual, a ball of nerves.  The heartbeat on the doppler had changed--it sounded more hollow than it had been.  I was sure something was going wrong.  But we showed up in the midst of several severe thunderstorms (the hospital even lost power and went on generator backup while we were getting scanned).
45 minutes later we were told the baby looks perfect!  A little squirmy, and was being difficult most of the time.  But we got to watch Rango for a full 45 minutes, and it was great.  The poor kid really does hate dopplers/ ultrasounds!  But in the end, there are 10 fingers, 10 toes, 4 working chambers of the heart, a brain, bladder, stomach, legs and arms.  We have to go back on June 9th just to get some additional measurements for the face and heart because it was too early to get them this time.  So for now, I am breathing a bit easier.  I will go tomorrow and get some summer clothes and bathing suits.  We will begin to tell the rest of the family and friends.  We will enjoy the pregnancy and time we have, knowing that right now, at almost 19 weeks, our baby is healthy and growing!
I will post the ultrasound pics as soon as I am motivated to scan them in--I am exhausted!  We were able to get a 3D shot of the baby, which is amazing!  And while we had to wait 5 minutes for Rango to turn, it was worth it!
Oh, and I guess the other news you might be waiting for....

its another boy :-)  So maybe Robbie wasn't done cooking after all and needed more time!

This is Different

My oldest says this every time we change something, so matter how small, in the house.  And I can use this to describe the pregnancy too.  Its different.  Its not like any other of my 3 pregnancies.  The girls were identical, how I looked and felt.  But this is even different from my pregnancy with Robbie.  I have no idea if its a boy or girl, and have no idea when we will know if its one or the other.
We know that genetically speaking, the baby is fine.  All the tests and screening came back great.  Now its just time to wait for the anatomy scan on the 27th.  I am terrified.  I am 18weeks and 1 day today--at this point with Robbie I was waddling, contracting, and throwing my daughter her 7th birthday party (camping theme) in our backyard, while having walking pneumonia.  3 days after the party we had the infamous anatomy scan--the last time we saw Robbie alive.  And the hydrops was evident, just barely.  It is taking all of my willpower not to call the doctor and go in for a scan this week.  I am trying to hold off, but I just need to know if anything is out of the ordinary!  The doppler helps, and I have been using it twice a day again, just for a piece of mind.  I'm not feeling much movement (maybe a quick movement once every few days) that I did with Robbie.  Robbie was moving up a storm at this point.  I'm just paranoid.
I know in two weeks we'll know, and can move on from there.  Its just this waiting to see if the heart and other organs are forming correctly.  May 27th can't come fast enough!

I want to bottle this happiness!

During this pregnancy there are few times I can sit back, relax and enjoy Rango.  Normally its in the window of a couple of hours after hearing the heartbeat on the doppler or seeing him on the ultrasound.  But today, it's different.  I am feeling totally at peace-and it is scaring me to death!  Almost like I know everything is going to be okay this time.
Today I went to the hospital to get the sequential bloodwork done, and since my wonderful doctor, Dr. Davis, told me I could, I went in for a u/s as well.  And the woman was so nice--she spent lots of time measuring, reassuring us, and commenting on how active baby was too!  So active that the baby wouldn't cooperate and let us see if there are girl or boy parts (she thought boy parts, but it could be the umbilical cord too).  Then we got a surprise visit with Dr. Davis who wanted to check in with us.  I mean this is the longest he's gone without seeing us this pregnancy--3 weeks!  I used this time to ask him for recommendations for a new ob to deliver us at either Kennedy or Virtua.  See, after Elmer Hospital's "lack of information" with Robbie's anatomy scan when the hydrops was evident, I can't say I am too comfortable in delivering at South Jersey Regional.  My ob is nice, and is trying to be understanding and patient with me.  But I just feel more comfortable going to Kennedy.  They were wonderful after the D & E, and every time we have gone since then.  So to say I was relieved when I asked Dr. Davis for his recommendations and he suggested that he deliver the baby is a complete understatement.  I started to cry because I was so happy!  He will take over my prenatal care for the remainder of the pregnancy.  I am so glad!
And for the first time in 16w and 5 days, I am looking forward to meeting our baby, and bringing the baby home.  And I am dreaming of holding my baby in my arms, with his/her angel brother watching over us.  It's going to be okay.  I just need to bottle this feeling, and take it out when i need it!

Connection

One of the things that I think my husband regrets most is not bonding with Robbie while he was with us in utero. I know he commented several times afterwards about how I was feeling him kick and move, but in the end, all he had was a couple of u/s pictures, and hearing a heartbeat.  He was looking forward to the connection of holding his child.
So with the arrival of the doppler I was threatened that if I used it more than once a day he would hide it from me.  He didn't want me to make myself more neurotic than I already have been.  So on a Saturday morning, while he washed the dishes, I snuck into the bedroom, and put the jelly on and listened.  He walked in (he heard the swooshing noises), and was quite upset that I did this without telling him.  While I thought he would get angry at me using the doppler too much, in fact, I realized that hearing the baby once, or sometimes twice, a day, was his connection to baby Rango.
So a few days ago, while we were listening to the heartbeat, Mario started talking to me about something.  All of a sudden the heartbeat skyrocketed up.  When he stopped talking, the heartrate went back down to where it was.  He started talking again and sure enough the heartbeat got stronger/louder, and went up.  Wow!
So now, when we are looking for the heartbeat, Mario starts talking to the baby, and sure enough, Rango shows up!