Physically it's over, emotionally it continues

I am exhausted, both physically and mentally, but wanted to let everyone know that today went much smoother than last time.
Yesterday the doctor put in 17 luminaria, and i was contracting on and off all day, with back labor. my aunt was sure my membranes would rupture. but they didn't, and we made it to the hospital at our scheduled time at 10am. i was wheeled in around 11:45, and spent some time awake in the OR--what a chaotic messy place lol!
But I was woken up by my doctor shaking me, telling me they were able to get the baby out completely intact. My eyes shot wide open (quickest time for me ever waking up out of surgery), and i started asking if the placenta had blood clots or if the cord had problems--the answers were no, everything was perfect and healthy. so the questions remain, and the probing begins to find what happened. Even the baby was completely formed and healthy looking. he just looked like a 21w old (well, almost 22w old) baby asleep. they asked me if i still wanted to see him.
and after a nurse (who has helped me in the doctor's office since i was 7 weeks pregnant) checked to see, i was assured i needed to see him.
and we did--i got to hold him, wrapped up in his blanket, and look at his little face. such tiny little features. this same nurse, Susan, called Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep, and they were there in 15minutes to take portraits, which I will post when we receive them.
My husband was able to hold his little foot, my mom helped with posing and therefore got to see more of the baby than the rest of us. Even my mother in law, who didn't think she would emotionally be able to handle it, was able to see her grandson.
And what I can say is this: Rango was meant to be a Rango--he had a Rango face--the name suited him. He looked identical to his father and shared many features--his nose, cheeks, chin, eyes and ear, and even his long feet. My mom said he had my fingers--figures, my kids at least always get my fingers! He also had very light blonde hair. you could just see it coming in. And he was pink--i wasn't expecting to see such a healthy baby to be honest. but there he was. my mom also said he was very long--which explains how i would feel punches and kicks from both sides of my abdomen.
After 2 hours, I knew I needed to get checked out physically to make sure the bleeding was under control, and as much as i hated to let him go, I felt so fortunate that I was able to see him and hold my little boy. i will never forget being able to meet him and kiss him. and i whispered to him "if love could have saved you, we would have". i've heard this phrase on the message boards so much, but today it made complete sense to me. 7 days ago, rango was causing havoc in my uterus--today i saw the little boy who had such a personality for 21w and 5 days.
i am looking forward to seeing the pictures and sharing our sweet boy with everyone. it is a privilege to know that God let me be his mother. hopefully he and his brother aren't destroying our heavenly mansions while we are here. his great grandparents better be keeping an eye on them! (side note: we saw invention of lying this week, so the idea of Robbie and Rango in a mansion without us is bittersweet, but i can live with that image).